"But the greatest of these is...

(Something happened to me today. I didn't break my arm or anything like that, but something happened nonetheless.

Let me start from the beginning...

About a week ago I started reading this book called "Blue Like Jazz," by Donald Miller. I was immediately drawn to it because of the way he writes. It's just like one of those short stories or essays I read in English that I loved so much. This is basically the memoirs of a guy who went through a bunch of hoops and is now at a certain place in his faith. At first I felt he was too liberal. Too much of a softy. Too, oh I don't know, tolerant, of "God's enemies". Homosexuals, environmentalists, feminists, hippies, liberals, the French, and vegans, just to name a few. But I kept reading and as he was coming to these conclusions about faith, I realized he was saying the things I've wanted to say for so long, but was afraid to say because my conservative Christian friends and elders and people in the church would be offended. I had questions. How true is the Bible? Can it totally be trusted? Half of ME was even offended that I asked these questions. One thing that bugged me was when my mom, or someone would say something like, "but of course, we as Christians know we are going to heaven, so we don't have to worry about death." Well I didn't know what was wrong with me, but I certainly didn't know I was going to heaven, and every once in a while fear of death would creep up behind me. I believed I was going to heaven, but I didn't know. I still don't and I don't think anyone does. We believe. We have faith. There were lots of things like this that bugged me and apparently they bugged Donald Miller as well, and so he worked up the courage to say what he thought and ask the tough questions. And face not getting solid answers. If we knew for sure we were going to heaven and that God was real and that Jesus paid for our sins, we could never have faith. We could only have facts. And the problem with facts is that we can comprehend facts. Facts fit in our brain. Facts are tangible and therefore, in the area of God, God becomes something small that can be written in a book, proven, and He fits comfortably in our minds, right next to "yellow and blue make green" and "4+6=10."

I was allowed to ask questions, and it was freeing.

Well, somewhere between 12:00 and 12:30 on my way to math, I came to the chapter on love and was changed. I realized that I had been selfish and self centered all my life. And I had been lonely. Yes, for 17 years, 6 months, and 10 days, I had been lonely. Obviously I had my family and friends, but there was something else. I also thought I had God, when in reality I only had parts of God. I had the part that finds your biology homework 5 minutes before you leave for school. I also had the part that says prostitutes are sinning and must repent. I also had the part that said "don't be a liberal." But I forgot other part that says "don't be a conservative either." I missed the parts that said "come follow me," and, most importantly, "do unto others as you would have them do unto you." Worst of all, I was splitting God up into parts. I failed to realize that I was following a "mix n' match" Christian faith. So in those few minutes spent walking from Meadowdale Hall and Snoqualmie Hall, I was changed.

So I came to class and sat down and took a good look around and realized that most of those people needed me to love them. I left class engulfed, like something had taken over my body. I noticed the faces of every person I passed. I walked past the blind poet man from last Fall. I knew he was blind, but when I passed him, I smiled at him. Not because I thought he might be able to see me this time, but I just felt it was what I wanted to to. I wish he wasn't blind so that we could have seen me smile at him and know that I loved him. And Jesus. I should learn his name.

All the people I had a hard time loving before, became something new to me. They were just like everyone else. Maybe even better. More to love. More wounds to heal. The gay man who has been persecuted by the Christians, being told he should repent. I don't know why it never occurred to me and others that maybe he just needed to be loved first.

I wish I had talked to the retarded kid I sat next to on the bus this morning. He wrote 'Ichiro" on his book. The 'R' was backward. Does he really like the Mariners? I want to learn the name of the guy on the bus who yesterday I referred to as "pube face." Yes. He has unsightly facial hair. He wears basketball jerseys. If I wasn't so shy and sucked and b-ball so much, I would invite him to shoot some hoops with me one day if he wasn't to busy.

I came home different. And I really hope it stays that way, because it feels amazing. Refreshing.

I sat down to eat and the things that normally bug me, like the way my family members chew, or things my little brother says, or when my mom licks her fingers, they didn't bug me that much anymore. I noticed them, but I didn't care so much. I don't know if anyone noticed, but it was a nice change for me.

I can't explain this to you in words, and I know it sounds almost cliché, but I want to love everyone. And I want them to know that Jesus loves them.

So who are you? What makes you tick? Do you like to travel? Where do you want to go? I guess I care about those things now, and I didn't before.

If we truly love God we will love others, and sometimes you need to watch someone else love something before you can love it yourself.) ...Love." -Jesus